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Clarisse seemed to believe she had some kind of magical mind-reading powers.She would decide she knew what the former friend was thinking or intending — and then she’d get angry about it.
Then he’d kick the actor out of the theater group – sometimes within days of the premiere of a play in which the actor had a major role.They view any failures by others as a sign of laziness or stupidity. Control freaks often see things in black-and-white, all-or-nothing terms. They have trouble maintaining relationships because they don’t respect boundaries.Control freaks repel people with their demands and unsolicited advice.A quote from Oscar Wilde sums up the attitude nicely: Control freaks are the embodiment of that quote. Dear ol’ dad cut her off financially and stopped talking to her. In fact, there’s nothing the control freak enjoys more than manipulating you into spending half your life defending yourself against his public attacks – thus proving he still exerts some control over you.Some years after my Clarisse experience, a woman I knew through work told me she and her father hadn’t talked in years. He used the money to start his own business, worked like a dog, and became a financial success. She worked menial jobs and finished putting herself through college. Once you understand the game, you’ll also understand that the smart move is to simply laugh at the ham-handed tactics and move on.The message board became polluted with their mutual hatred. That will really drive him nuts.” That’s how you have to handle control freaks. Don’t give in just because the control freak tries over and over to wear you down.
You can explain why you’re not giving in, but don’t expect the control freak to take for an answer. And when your failure to give in prompts the control freak to decide you’re a Very Bad Person and begin trashing you publicly, don’t get sucked into the battle.
Back in my younger and more foolish days, I was briefly engaged to a woman we’ll call Clarisse. To hear Clarisse tell it, the once-awesome person had become mean.
I thought I’d hit the girlfriend jackpot when we started dating. (She was fond of using the word “hateful.”) And it wasn’t just about actual behavior.
We set up a web site that included a message-board plugin so we could share announcements and keep in touch.
This was before Facebook, and the message board had no logins and no security.
If they ignored the advice, she became ever more insistent on offering it. – when their non-stop efforts to improve someone else’s life ends with that someone telling them to off. Seeing what happened with her friends, I used to wonder when Clarisse would finally turn on me. She became increasingly persistent in telling me how to live, how to dress, how to eat, etc. I was also reasonably sure she was in need of therapy. Whether they lecture, become aggressive, or manipulate things behind the scenes, they want to make other people act a certain way.